My 4th race 4Them: The 2021 Mont-Rochelle Sky race (25km with approximately 1900m of climbing)
The morning of the race showed up at the front door of my life. And it truly scared me. I did not know how to feel. I knew that I had to be exited, but my thoughts were tied to the fact that this race was going to be painful. It was a much bigger challenge than I had ever raced before and I was unsure about a lot of things. Did I train enough? Is my body conditioned for such a challenge? How hard should I push myself? How should I approach my race nutrition? How should I pace my effort during the race? The list goes on...
I tried my best not to focus on what laid before me, but rather on who I was doing this for – the persecuted church. As we drove to Franshoek for the start of the race, I listened to videos posted on YouTube by Opendoors. The videos were titled:
Christian Persecution - Peter in Eritrea
Stories of Christian Persecution – Eritrea (Helen)
Stories of Christian Persecution - Fatima of Saudi Arabia
God is Always Faithful - Maryam and Marziyeh from Iran
As the sound of these videos ran through my head, I closed my eyes and placed myself at the scene being described, alongside the persecuted Christians. I tried to feel a diluted, but still powerful, mixture of the pain and God’s presence that these Christians must be experiencing. I tried to memorize the feelings and the images that arise inside of me simply so that I have one more reason to keep on going when every step has to be fought for and every second is wished to go by.
We park near the Dutch reformed church in Franschhoek where the race will start. My parents are busy helping me to get my race pack ready, complete with all the compulsory gear. After I had pinned my race number, I go and kneel behind the starting line. I prayed that God would help me during this race, and that I would solely run because of my passion for Him, and that His will would be done on the day no matter the outcome for me.
Time flew by without leaving a shadow, and soon enough the race director had set us off. For a few minutes we ran on a road with a steady incline until we were out of town. We made a left turn onto "Cats se pad" that traverses Franschhoek pass and then turned into Mont Rochelle nature reserve for the Climb up to Du Toits peak. For that part of the race things were going relatively well. My legs were working, and I was holding a little bit back, knowing that there is still another big climb up to Perdekop that will punish me if I do not pace myself.
But during the whole climb up to Du Toits peak my feelings were mixed. I just wanted to run, as fast as I can at that very moment, while creating a space where I am forced to trust on God for my every next step. But the other part of me wanted to run a smart race. This meant that I had to go slower at the start to keep my legs fresh for the latter part of the race. This is one of the best tactics in endurance running for a good race, because when you go out fast at the start you basically have to run the whole distance on fatigued legs full of lactic acid. But if you pace your race well and run just as fast as possible without hurting your legs too much early on, you will theoretically have more time to gain in the latter parts of the race than you could have gained at the start and then lose some time during the last half of the race because of your tired legs.
But I learned that the decision to run a smart race was fundamentally wrong in this scenario. For by doing that, I took away the chance for me to trust in God’s omnipotence and more importantly, the chance for God to be glorified by His display of power in me. For in doing so I was indirectly saying to God that I do not fully trust Him to give me the strength to run my race with all my heart, for I knew that if I would try to do so by my own power it would surely result in total failure, and I could not fail again. [Take heed, there is a difference between trusting God and testing Him. When trusting God, you do not determine what the outcome should be and you have to believe and be content that you are far better of with the realisation of His plan and not that of your own preconceived ideas or will. You have to trust that if your only will is to seek God, in the manner as is instructed by the Gospel, that you will walk on God’s road for you, even if the outcome does not reflect a favourable outcome for you in the moment.]
How often do we settle in this life, pace ourselves safely in our walk alongside Jesus, because we fear total failure or burnout. So, we run a good race, a calculated one, where we can rely on our own provisions and planning when things go haywire. But we leave the chance for us to run a great race standing outside in the rain because our faith is too small to believe that God would actually take our hand and see us through. I am not saying that one should not plan for the future, maybe we should and maybe we shouldn’t sometimes. But the most important thing is that one should live for Christ and for other people and not be content in a life where comfort is your constant companion whilst you are slowly returning to dust. No, Jesus calls us to follow him. To walk in His dust. To live a holy life, a life where the ways of the world is in contention with our spirit for we are children of God and have a deep longing to walk with Him intimately, in a holy way. A life where we stride valiantly towards our Father in Heaven, and withhold nothing from Him. A life filled with seeking out and living His purpose for us. A life dedicated to building a relationship with God. For we are children, servants, friends, patients and disciples of Him.
I think it is also necessary to add that you should carefully and honestly consult with God about that race which you are running or path that you are trotting. For the race that you are running should be according to His purpose for you. I also believe that we will not always be given the gift of assurance for the path that may lay ahead of us. And it is, I believe, for that reason that God dwells in us through the Holy Spirit. So that those who are honest in their relationship with God and in their communion with the Spirit may walk onwards and have the direction within them to run their great race and see it through to the end. For “behold, the Kingdom of God is within you. If with all your hearts, you truly seek Me, you shall ever surely find Me.” Luke 17:21
That I believe is the greatest finish line of all time - To seek God and to find God. For it is the greatest start line.
Back to the race… I thought that I could glorify God through my action and my input. If I run a good race, then God will be glorified – exalted by my achievement. I thought that if I do good in the race it can be a greater opportunity for Him to work through me and a greater opportunity to create awareness about Opendoors and our persecuted brothers and sisters in Christ. But how foolish is this thinking. Can I do anything by my own power and will that have the potential to glorify God. Nothing that I can do, even if I do something to perfection by human standards, is worthy to even be considered as a glorification gift to God. God only wants our hearts. Sincere and honest hearts.
Only by the grace of God made manifest in us by accepting Jesus Christ into our lives can God be glorified through us here on earth. For thinking that we can by our own will and power do anything or make anything that is worth of God’s attention is ignorant. It is God’s love for us which can empower us to love Him back. "We love because He first loved us." - 1 John 4:19. Similarly, it is his power in us that gives us the strength, wisdom and courage to be able to glorify Him. But for that to be possible we have to let go of ourselves and our own plans and wants. We have to give up trying to change the world and take up our cross. And we should follow the Only One who has ever changed, and will ever change the world.
We have to run our race with uncalculatable courage, trusting that He will satisfy or deepest and truest needs. We have to honestly want to run the race that He mapped out for us. We have to chase the dreams inside of us, but that should be the dreams and desires placed in our hearts by God. And not that of our worldly heart. And only by being honest with God will you be able to distinguish between them and have your heart be transformed by His love and the work of the Holy Spirit within. For even our worldly dreams and desires may seem noble sometimes, but that does not mean that it is in God’s purpose or will for you, no matter how noble it may be by earthly standards. We have to run with Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-control. We have to seek God in everything and trust that we will not grow weary, nor faint. We have to run with an uncalculatable courage.
I end off this section with a poem.
(based on Jeremiah 12:5)
Run Run Run,
Run with the horses God’s child.
Do not out of fear let your stride and spirit go mild.
But bring your worries to Him with an honest voice,
And truly seek Him every day.
For in you He will then rejoice,
If in your heart, you let His Spirit stay.
Run Run Run,
To the thickets near the Jordan you should go,
There where the path is uneven.
So that in your heart, God can let His rivers flow.
Let His Word be like leaven
In your soul, multiplying till as plentiful as the sand.
And let no fear deter you, for you can hold His hand.
Run Run Run,
Run for the glory of God ALONE.
For you, He was buried behind a big stone.
But He rose again to make a way,
And make it possible for us to say:
God is my Father. Yes it is true.
Yes it is true.
But the story does not end here, for there is a technical ten kilometre downhill still to run. A 1200m descent from the top of Perdekop down into town. As I ran I could feel my energy slipping away, and I could not catch it. My concentration was diluted and before I knew it I was laying on the ground. My toes had caught the tip of a rock, and my jelly like legs did not have the strength or stability to keep me on my own two feet. I had landed badly on my arm during the fall and I could feel that my shoulder was badly injured because of that. As I laid on the ground, my mind shifted to a single minded question... Why!? Why did this happen? Could God not have kept me from stumbling? I got up and when I was upright, I pinned my race number to my shirt again and started to run. Tears started to flow out from the sides of my eyes, tears of pure dependency, of admitting my weakness before God. And little did I know how it was foreshadowing the rest of my race. But had I known, I probably would have handed in my towel right then and there.
I can feel that my left shoulder is weak as I am running. I can not swing it normally as to aid in my running rhythm. But onwards I had to go. After a few minutes, when the adrenaline from my fall had been worked out, I sensed that my energy must have leaked out during the crash. My legs started to Pain, it was a pain that I can not describe. Probably the most intense pain I have ever felt, and it was present for the rest of the race (40 minutes) till I stumbled over the finish line and gave the race director a scare as I laid on the ground - empty.
While I was running down, I started to go through the stories that I had listened to from Open doors in my head. The story about Helen from Eritrea got stuck in my thoughts. And then I knew I had to thank God even now, even in the midst of the pain. Even for the suffering. But why? Because the love of God is still indescribable and still applicable. The fact that we are enduring suffering does not take away the fact that God Himself, through Jesus Christ, died for our wicked ways in the most cruel way. God showed His love for us not by winning a battle against our enemies or against evil or any such thing, because He knows that that would not achieve anything with us humans. For in history He has delivered mankind many more times than is countable, just to see us turn our gaze not on Him, but on gods of our own making. But by, in a sense losing, by placing His wrath for our sins on the innocent Lamb. By taking the beating Himself, He showed us love. Real love. A love that can mend the bond that was torn by pride. And that is why I should be thankful even in the midst of excruciating pain.
And we are called to do the same, called to give our very self.
Called to live with hope in the Lord our God. Called to run courageously, to run so that we know our own strength would not be able to sustain us for the journey. Called to run although we know that pain and persecution is playing just around the next corner of our route. Because we know that it fosters dependency on God. The foundations of faith. A true love for God.
A picture of me during the race on my way up to Perdekop after the descent from Du Toit's peak.
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